A thousand words

Summer swimming in Doboj Istok

 

 

Tuzla

More to come later!!

bless the continual stutter of the word being made into flesh

Today was the first day of Ramadan. Although, I do not practice Islam, I decided that I was going to take part in the holiday and dedicate at least two weeks of fasting for the sake of solidarity and general curiosity to see what it would be like for others who have the discipline and humility to make such a sacrifice each year. I really respect any spiritual practice that values discipline and mindfulness. I guess I just have never really witnessed anyone take an extended period of fasting seriously. I hope that in dedicating these two weeks I can gain something such as personal strength or perseverance from the experience. Sure, it's only two weeks, but I know some who have a hard time waiting in between meals. :)

For me, food is entirely communal. There is nothing like cooking a big dinner for a group of friends or family. The whole process of preparation and dining resembles some sort of sacred ritual. I don't think it is irreverent in the least to say that. I remember when I lived alone, I hardly ever cooked for myself. I would cook two large dishes and alternate eating the leftovers throughout the week. Food was for nutrition, to stop my stomach from growling and my hands from shaking. With the exception of going out to eat with a friend, or a rushed snack between classes, I used to have a pretty boring food life living alone. This is part of the reason why I look forward to returning to my new house I moved into shortly before I left for Bosnia, because I am living with two really awesome ladies that share my appreciation for potlucks and dinner nights.

Not just because of Ramadan have I been paying attention more to this idea of the sacredness of food. It is also because (excuse me, mother, but it is not reflecting any error on your part, only that I was a picky child) I have never eaten this well in my life! I will use the word "well" with hesitation for some of the dishes I have had were so high in fat content and oil that I can't say they were the most healthiest of choices, but they were certainly delicious! I made my mind up before I came here that I would say yes to everything that was put in front of me. Be an Anthony Bourdain of Bosnia! Being that I considered myself a vegetarian for 4 years or so, I chose to forgo the dietary dichotomies and be open minded. Judge if you will or will not, but I am very open about discussing my intial and existing reasons for a predominantly vegetarian/vegan diet that I intend on returning to when I return to the States. Suffice to say that things are just different here...and when in Rome...

And where is here? I almost forgot that it has been centuries since I last posted something on here. Currently, I am in Doboj Istok, a small village outside of Doboj in the northeastern part of Bosnia. I love it here. This is where IFS-Emmaus has their reception center Duje for vulnerable populations and victims of human trafficking that was my initial interesting that drew me here. It is always a bittersweet experience whenever I stay for any period of time at the shelter for the victims. I don't ever feel entirely comfortable there, even if I am dancing and playing games with the young girls. However, I know that all I can be is myself and I think I can do that fairly well! I am just trying to be an open vessel for information and experiences here. I recognize that I don't have extensive knowledge of human rights law,  a psychology background, or anything such as that, but I know that I have genuine interest and passion for learning more about the projects that are going on here with IFS-Emmaus and I think that counts for something.

I have been getting to know a lot of the awesome people who work for IFS here in Doboj as well as reuniting with some friends from the camp in Srebrenica. However, for the most part, I am just really grateful for the accommodations that I have been given here. I have my own room and bathroom, which is wonderful. I have been able to do yoga and meditation. I like having my own space for reflection and chill time, something that I really missed in the camp. I am just trying to take advantage of this time I have. I feel like I always should devote more time to my Bosnian language study and today an incident at the store really left me sore and embarrassed. It was something as simple as lacking the vocabulary to be able to communicate, but for me, it was super frustrating and humiliating because there were a line of people in a store waiting on me to convey a coherent conversation to a sales clerk in Bosnian. For me, it was really stressful! However, I realize that I can't expect myself to be able to know everything, and next time I should be better prepared. I used this experience as a motivator to study more and if anything, it was just more practice. I tried not to mind that although I couldn't understand the question the clerk was asking, I could understand what everyone else was saying about me in line as far as their grumbles about a foreigner and not wanting to wait. It reminded me of a scenario in some small town in America, really. Now, I know how it feels!

I also decided to extend my ticket for a couple extra weeks here stay a little longer to do some traveling and have some downtime for myself. I have been working at the center doing translations my first week here for the IFS website. I really enjoyed it, and I think it is helping improve my Bosnian for sure..Although, I do really hate having to look up a word or ask someone every five minutes if something is correct! I'm sure it gets obnoxious.

It has been a super challenging first two weeks week in Doboj. I think this is because I relied more on my friends who could speak English more than I thought in the camp. However, I know its good for me, and I am looking forward to all the challenges that I will confront in the weeks to follow, including language, with optimism and confidence.

Below are some photos from the camp in Potocari (Srebrenica) and toward the end are the ones from Doboj. Enjoy!

Sein Blick ist vom Vorübergehn der Stäbe so müd geworden...

Wow. So much has happened since my last blog entry! My last day before I left in Sarajevo, I went to the zoo. It was really great walking through a part of the city I had never been through before. I passed a large graveyard on the way, the feelings it gave me were to be indicative of what I would soon feel on a greater scale as I entered Srebrenica. The zoo was great, albeit small. I had a great time just taking my camera and watching the children interact with the animals. I couldn't help but think of Rainer Maria Rilke's poem The Panther, as I watched a fox pace the cage. He stopped in front of me, pressed himself against the cage bars, with his eyes sweetly closed, almost seeming to smile in a sad way. It was just like when my dog back home would pressed herself against my leg for me to pet her. Who knows why and on what level I connected with this creature, but I began to feel the heaviness of what has happened here in Bosnia, the tension that I feel still very much so remains.
Now, I am at the Franco Bettoli youth camp in Srebrenica. There are about 120 something off people here working at the camp, building the facilities in the camp, cleaning the village, and just in general aiming to help rebuild and strengthen the community here. Emaus is working towards bridging the significant gap between children who face more challenges in even just their transportation who have fallen behind in the educational system compared to the rest of Bosnia. It is pretty neat, I think. 

 

Yesterday I went with a friend to the commemoration for the people killed during the genocide who were recently found. In this small town, the streets were so crowded you could hardly walk without bumping into someone. The ceremony was so intense, so heart-wrenching to just be there. Standing beside the rows of caskets and people sitting on the ground, essentially drying their tears in the summer sun, I asked a simple question of "how?. It is a question that I think most people ask whenever they are exposed to the fact that something very awful happened. How does one have the capacity to do these things, and is there still that capacity to do it again? How can it be prevented, or can it be? Humans have been killing each other in the name of many things, but I question if man should ever stop to ask the question of why in the act. More than anything, it is more salt in the wound to hear that these notions are still very much so alive and active, these prejudices are being transmitted to the younger generations. I can only hope that on some scale that this camp and its facilities will help initiate some sort of dialogue for healing and reconciliation.

I will be writing more about the activities in the camp and the interaction with the people of Srebrenica..Hopefully more photos soon!

a few photos i took exploring the city

 this is the emaus house where I live and work

 my humble bed..i have my books and such under the bed. i love it!

 faruk

 a cute little girl feeding pigeons

 dado, a friend of faruk, me, and faruk (making a silly face) about to eat dinner!

 a bridge in sarajevo

 at a playground near my house

a building called the parrot..kind of out of place and unconventional. i like it a lot.

girasoles

So after a very long flight through Frankfurt and a missed flight, I finally landed in Budapest. A professor with whom I developed a friendship generously agreed to pick me up from the airport and stay with her until I had to catch my train to Sarajevo the next day. I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to see her face when I got off the train. As tired as I was from the flight, I can't imagine trying to find my way through Budapest. She gave me a mini tour of her neighborhood as we walked down along the river to the train station to get my ticket for the next day. I got to see the a lot of interesting buildings, including a beautiful stained glass synagogue, the parliament building, and others that I can remember in my mind what they look like but for sake of my jet lag I cannot remember what they were! : X I am really looking forward to coming back through Budapest at the end of my trip. This is the language nerd in me speaking, but I think Hungarian sounds and looks so interesting! I am entirely grateful for Jessie and Gyuri for their generosity and hospitality. They may dismiss it as so, but I am aware of how fortunate I am to have that connection. 

Now I am in Sarajevo, at last. As mentioned before, I had to take a train from Budapest to here (it took around 11 hours). It was surprisingly comfortable. I remember a 10 hour train ride to Granada, Spain and it was like trying to sleep in a shoebox. However, the train ride was actually very beautiful. It was really great seeing the open country with miles of green hills, fields of sunflowers, and a small town every once in a while. The sunset was probably the most rewarding, as it fell right as we were approaching Sarajevo. At the station, I was picked up by one of the people who work with IFS-Emmaus named Faruk. On the taxi ride back to the house, I noticed how magical the city looked at night, with the lights from houses in the hills that looked like galaxies of stars surrounding the city. Faruk was super friendly and we instantly hit it off talking over a late night dinner about directors we liked such as Coen Brothers, Tarantino, Hitchcock, etc. We're both big into movies and music, and not as much into the nightlife scene, so I think we will get along great.

My first day in Sarajevo, I walked down to the center and old part of the city where there are lots of shops, restaurants, and cafes. I felt a little overwhelmed at first, because the area was full of people walking all around. However, whenever I felt a little anxiety set in I just sat down by a fountain or on a bench and just took it all in. It was a beautiful, sunny day, with temperatures around the 70's. 

I will be here until around July 9^th, until I leave for the youth camp in Srebrenica. I have heard a lot of great things about the camp and I am looking forward to seeing what kinds of people from all over Europe will come. After the camp, I intend on returning to Sarajevo. I am very grateful to work with IFS-Emmaus and with Amela Efendic. I am a little intimidated by what valuable resources and people I will be working with in Sarajevo, but all the more, it inspires me to work hard and soak up all the information I can in this short period of time I will be here! I will be posting some photos soon. My first day in town, I was too overstimulated to take photos. Faruk is now making potatoes and fish “steaks' (read:sticks). Tomorrow, I want to make a big dinner for him to say thanks. I plan to read some of the literature on trafficking available downstairs and study Bosnian grammar in my free time. Of course, this will be broken up by lots of painting and exploring!

i got them worried blues

"Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can easily say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood" - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, p 75


So, I am preparing for my first trip abroad by myself. I never thought it would be so hard to pack for 2 and 1/2 months abroad. I guess I have to explain a little bit about myself, where I am going, and why.
Two winters ago, I went to visit my friend Josh while he was living in Spain with this organization called Emaus. This organization is worldwide and the individual collectives all over are unified under the mission of alleviating the suffering of others. Each location varies in their work. Check out more of their work at emmaus-europe.org to get a better idea. I probably can't articulate it as well as the website does.

Anyways, Josh's familiarity with Emaus in France and Spain inspired me to search for a collective in Eastern Europe, as I am studying Russian and Slavic studies. I never really found vindication for study abroad programs through the university, mostly for the amount of money required, among other stipulations. I chose to go independently of the school, because a) it would be less costly (in theory!)  b) it would be a more intimate and rewarding experience to perform hard work and also immerse myself in another language and culture. Also, in my studies, I have really been interested issues in public health, more specifically women's health and policy. So when I read about the Bosnia Collective in Bosnia-Herzegovina whose primary focus was providing assistance to victims of human trafficking, I immediately contacted them. It sounded right up my alley. A few months later, as sometimes these things can happen slowly, I was officially accepted as a volunteer to work in an international youth camp in Srebrenica (chilling history!), Sarajevo, and Doboj, where the facilities for trafficked persons are located.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't taking this trip also as a sabbatical from Columbus, Ohio, USA, but mostly for the fact this last year has been a whirlwind of changes for me, for better or worse...I think mostly for the better, because I have never felt so confident in the direction my life was headed in. I'm sure, give me a few years, perhaps a few months, even, and the story will be different. However, I feel like I've taken on several challenges this passed year and I can look back and say it was still a beautiful time. There's some truth to the old adage, "what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger". So, I am keeping up with this blog to let my friends and family know how my experience in Bosnia goes. Also, I want to document for myself the summer that I anticipate to be a summer of sharpening and shaping of my true self. Of course, I hope to get a good grasp of Bosnian language and get background experience in a working for a non-profit organization, but I also want to come out of this experience as a more confident, spiritually stronger, and more balanced individual. I am planning on restarting my morning yoga routine and meditation while I am there, as well as seriously invest in my watercolor and pastel painting. I am a bit intimidated by the idea of a strained communication and the isolation that may follow from not being able to communicate with others abroad, but hey! it's what I signed up for, and I'm sure it will get easier as I go along. Inshallah, this will be the first of many times I will be traveling abroad!
I hope that you will enjoy reading my entries and I will be periodically upload pictures from the trip. Thanks for looking!